Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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