It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
