found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
