Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
