i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
