I wish I could teleport
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
