yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
