im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
