chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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