I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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