Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
