i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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