a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
