just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
smell my finger.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
