it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Every concussion has its silver lining
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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