If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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