come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
