I puked a lego.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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