I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
