Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
