I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
