totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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