I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
