you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
