i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
