FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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