I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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