She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
