mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
