Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I AM VODKA MAN
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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