I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
