I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
