areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
