Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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