It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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