I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
