going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize