Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
