Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
