he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
