Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
