can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
