I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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