This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
