Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize