He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
