Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
