You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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