just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
