At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
