you guys were way drunker than both of me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
