A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
