i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
