Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
