Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
