can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
