Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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