Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just puked most of my soul out..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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