That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
