He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
