cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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