And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
