when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
