I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
