3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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