I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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