All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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