I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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