It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
