Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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