Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
