She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
