Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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