this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize