why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
