I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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