I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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