this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
