she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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