oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
