last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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