She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have post one night stand depression
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
