you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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