Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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