Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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