is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
